The cold hard truth is…

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This may go against everything you learned as a child but it’s the cold hard truth and someone has to say it. As you get older you start to realize you will have to cut things out. There simply isn’t enough time to do the things you need to do, let alone the things you WANT to do. Oh, and also you probably won’t be the president or an astronaut. Just sayin’

Anyway… I wanted to bring this up to help future adults better cope with the fact that they will be able to actually accomplish only a fraction of the dreams and goals they have when they are young, and also maybe a little bit as a cry for help.Fun-Time

Help with my time management. I mean starting my day hitting snooze 7 times doesn’t exactly get things started on the right foot, but gin will do that to you I suppose. Then we have the “to do” list in my brain. A list on which all of the items are battling for the top spot and therefore I cannot decide which to pick. So naturally I pick the worst option.

Take this morning for example. I spent a solid 45 minutes wandering around the apartment. Made two cups of coffee. Then I sat down to take care of business. What business did I take care of? I snapchatted my cousin a clip of a Stevie Wonder “Happy Birthday” video. That’s called prioritizing children.

yep.

I need a serious life coaching session.

This is the worst time of year for my time management problems. If it’s even remotely nice outside I will make every excuse in the book as to why I need to just roll around in the grass somewhere. I couldn’t possibly clean my bathroom, THE SUN IS OUT!

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I don’t think everyone is guilty of putzing around like me and thank goodness for that. I’m a supporter of the go getter lifestyle, I just don’t seem to have the time to go anywhere or get anything. So, I hope all of you reach the goals you set for yourselves and all your dreams come true.

That being said, today is beautiful and I have lots of things I need to avoid doing.

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truedetective_010914_1600Let’s talk about True Detective.

Holy smokes, I may need therapy after all that. I had to watch a solid 4 hours of the Disney Channel just to sleep after the season finale.

This show really has it all… and when I say all, I mean lots and lots of sex. Now, I have nothing against Woody Harrelson, in fact I really like him, but no way is he getting all that action. There is no reason he would be scoring with hot young girls while his poor wife has to settle for whatever shmuck is drowning his sorrows at the local Applebees. Things aren’t even that backwards in Louisiana….anymore…I don’t think.true-detective-episode-3

Okay, but other than the sex the show still brings a lot to the table. In all seriousness, the cinematography is so well done, the acting is great, and the sets are truly haunting. You know you are doing something right when you can make Matthew McConaughey look super convincing as both a truck stop bartender and badass detective.rust_cohle

…bravo!

The chemistry between Harrelson and McConaughey is something that just doesn’t get old.

true_detective_the_locked_room

Still, as the dark and twisted side of me can’t stop watching shows and movies that are, well, dark and twisted, I still find myself cringing and thinking “Oh boy, I won’t be able to un-see that one”.

Job-Search-Fear

I’m sure many of you out there have the same problem. You want to watch these scary things but you’re a big baby and for weeks after a good episode you have to carry pepper spray on your belt and sleep with the covers pulled up to just below your eyes, that is of course assuming you can sleep.

As for me, I have to go finish setting the booby-traps in my house. Sweet dreams!

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True-Detective-Locked-Room-Recap

Who dun it Rust, WHO!!???

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Oh happy day…

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Ummm so tomorrow is the first day of Spring.

happy-woman

I thought I would get this time of warmth and new life started with this list…

(even though I don’t know why some of these are suppose to make you happy, or if some of these are even real, but hey, go with it)

BE HAPPY

and this…

It may still be snowy, or rainy and cold where you are, except for you bastards in California, but soon we will all be soaking in the rays! So let’s get ready mentally and BE HAPPY!

Happy first day of spring people! (or at least people that it applies to, for everyone else you will have your time, pipe down)

For those people, I saved my personal favorite….

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This one’s for you Ireland!

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st-patricks-day-2014-web-1

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY EVERYONE!

Here is some Irish stuff…

8_Cliffs_of_Moher_Walking_Hiking_Ireland   Fun Fact: Did you know that in Ireland sheep are the main source of transportation?Discover-Discover-Ireland

 

morning-sun-ireland_35187_990x742

 

Fun Fact #2: Did you know that in Ireland there is one giant tea kettle and that is where everyone in Ireland gets their hot water?

IRELAND 158539569.jpg.width.730

landscape-in-ireland-wallpaper,1366x768,11954

 

Fun Fact #3: Did you know all the homes (and castles) in Ireland are made of 100% grass?

Bonus Fun Fact: The houses (and castles) are all built by Hobbits.

 

 

Ireland_Castle_5be2795d347a4f2d81f604fefa0c8135

 

OKAY, now that you know a few FACTS about Ireland here are a couple videos…

Alright! Those videos were super odd choices but if you’re really celebrating St. Patrick’s Day you’re probably drunk already anyway so it doesn’t matter!

Cheers my friends and have a wild, yet safe, night!

http://www.le-monkeyhouse.com

 

 

 

Hollywood is a zoo.

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Soooo, this is pretty self explanatory…

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006 6wilford-brimley 007

444bf2f613c1247c6e1e47e0d31782b8 40411794 animal1 Animals That Look Like People-1 F201204191338332641962719 F201204191343032057090093 BRITAIN/ Okay, this one just kills me. That dog. It’s like just one of the girls hanging out, drinking coffee, doing their hair! BEST IN SHOW.Tracy_otter_thumb Imagine that otter speaking like Tracy in 30 Rock. “Lemon. Lemon. Can I be real with you?”tumblr_m7n5jrdD8V1rtagpw url

 

Happy Friday.

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strangers are in danger

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Can someone please explain to me why there are certain people in this world that we are completely UN-attracted to. I mean this seriously. Doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman, young or old, fat or skinny, what your race is or what your sexual preference is.

There are so many different ways we are attracted to people. Their style, humor, kindness, intelligence, mysteriousness, or maybe we just like there faces. Sometimes we don’t even know why we are attracted to people. We are just pulled towards certain people in unexplainable ways. Like, when there are fries on a plate and you’re already full but you reach for the fries anyway…

No, that was a garbage example of what I’m trying to say. Still, there must be something in our subconscious that makes us pick some humans over others.

But I’m not here to talk about why people are attracted. I’m here to talk about why we sometimes have the strong desire to punch strangers in the face.

I generally try to keep things upbeat here and I strive to show that, regardless of the topic, humor and a lighthearted outlook can bring people together. Even though today, I am doing kind of the opposite. While I think I’m being hilarious and lighthearted when I talk about it the overall message isn’t about unity. It’s about the divide. dun dun dun

I don’t know why this flash of hatred occurs, but I do know I’m not the only one who experiences it. I guess this applies in many areas of life. If you don’t like a certain foods, cars, music, or maybe even a certain fabric pattern drives you crazy. But wanting to punch another human for no good reason deserves a little more attention than cars or fabric patterns. I think someone better start to research why a complete stranger, who has done nothing wrong, can make you cringe.

While I’m confident everyone has these emotions. Let me just say I’m not a bully, or a bigot. I am a completely normal person… who doesn’t lie about judging strangers… and non-strangers, …and children, ….and sometimes pets. OKAY moving on.

I don’t do this on purpose. This is typically how it works….

I’m out to dinner with a few friend having a lovely evening. Then… BAM, I see someone sitting at another table and immediately… BAM BAM… I want to punch them in the face.

WHY?!

I don’t know, that’s why I am asking you guys on the internet. Do you ever feel this way?

**side note: We don’t condone punching or hating for no reason… I was just saying sometimes you WANT to, not that you SHOULD. We are all for love and peace.**

Now here are a bunch of people ( and animals) getting punched… because that’s more fun!

18ixe59vdesatjpg baby-punching-brother blog_punch2 cat_punching_a_dog_13768 kangaroo_punching_woman-11959 Nut-Punching-Bear polls_punch_in_the_face_2409_281815_answer_2_xlarge Punch

beats,bears,battlestar,galactica,cubs,fighting,animal,funny,photography,bears-dcd2ccb570f3f7c7d3e2d6a1ae553257_h crazy-animals-cat-punch-dog

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There are people who are always moving forward and have no problems with change, but I think everyone has their limits. Kevin Bacon for example…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09q04Dlh7r8

I get it…change is hard.

Life is like riding a roundabout…we start to cling to what we can as much as possible the faster it goes… Then we die…

ehhh… okay, not my best analogy.

merry go round

 

All I’m wondering is, why do we actually have such an aversion to change?

I think we automatically want the younger generations to experience what we did. I’m not sure why. They have way cooler stuff than we ever did. We should just let them do it the new way. Maybe, it’s the only way we know how to relate to them. Like, if they don’t have to walk 50 miles in the snow to school we couldn’t possibly have anything to talk about.

I can understand clinging to some things. We don’t want the future to be a bunch of fatties in front of computers. All I know is, this is a world full of clingy people. We cling to unhealthy relationships, we cling to trinkets, we cling to grudges, we cling to the good old days.

I can remember the one time my tiny, saint of a grandmother reprimanded me. You must be thinking I did something awful to deserve it. You’re wrong. All I did to make her mad was goof off when she was trying to show me the way to properly clean a lamp shade. Yes, a lamp shade. She was a tad OCD. Unfair? Maybe. But it wasn’t about the cleaning lesson. I wasn’t putting any value into the things that had shaped her youth… Sorry Nanie.

Here are just a few examples so you can tell if you are old enough to start clinging to your youth…

If you haven’t wanted to smack a young kid for being a punk, you’re not ready…

If you haven’t looked a fool in front of young people and not cared, you’re not ready…

If you haven’t wanted to take a nap yet today, you’re not ready…

If you haven’t dreaded your birthday, you’re not ready…

If you haven’t thought, at least once, that you should’ve listened to your parents a lot more, you’re not ready…

If you haven’t done the same getting ready routine you always do, but you look different, you’re not ready…

Things will change. We will all be forced to give up on some of the things we never thought we would (like trying to remember things). Let us all take it easy on each other. Because the completely useless younger people need us and they can deal with it because we will be dead soon. See, it’s all fair.

149+cropped old-and-young-people-via-free-range-learning

What are some things you wish the younger generations would still do, have, like, listen to, or watch?

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A Cleansing That Doesn’t Require A Toilet.

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I hope my blog the other day, ‘ramblings of a tired, disgusted frumpster‘, didn’t bring you down or leave you feeling dirty. I think we are all in need of a good cleansing of our mind, body and soul after that one…

It’s amazing that we live in a world where so much bad stuff happens naturally and yet we still seek it out. I am just as guilty as the next person but it still makes me wonder. Why do we need/want negativity in our lives?

Why do we create, and watch by the masses shows like The Walking Dead, American Horror Story, True Blood, Breaking Bad, Hannibal, and so many more. Just because our imaginations take us there doesn’t mean it’s good for us. Minus the vampires, zombies, and who knows what else is in some of those shows, a lot of the bad things acted out already happen in real life. So, why then do we feel the need to watch the same terrible things happen to hotter versions of people?

I don’t know. Maybe there are some scientific explanations or maybe it is something spiritual that we will never fully grasp. Either way, I know sometimes I just need a break from watching hot people get their faces eaten off.

So, here is a bunch of beautiful places and things to help your soul.

33-Most-Beautiful-Places-on-Earth-10 beautiful-abadoned-places-rabbit38-20130426-8 beautiful-places-002 beautiful-places-world-10 Cenote-Yucatan-Peninsula-Mexico ng-92 travel-place-for-vacation-7 ???????????????????????????

 

and THIS < click to view someone who already did a better job than me.

and THIS < click here but maybe don’t click if you’re hungry

I hope this gave you a fill of goodness to counteract whatever weird thing you’re going to watch on t.v.

For a nice healthy balance of goodness with a little hint of the bad side…

http://www.le-monkeyhouse.com

 

ramblings of a tired, disgusted frumpster

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You will have to forgive me people of WordPress, internet, and probably the world in general. I am not a valuable contribution to society today.

I am currently wearing a pair of my brother’s old jeans (yes, my brother’s), a weird tie dyed t-shirt, frumpy Nike’s, and a giant knit sweater which I have smushed to fit under my green jacket. I look like I should be in Freaks and Geeks. The worst part is I have been out subjecting innocent people to this get-up.

lindsay

I blame all of this on the fact that I am exhausted. You see, I recently moved and what clothes I have actually unpacked have far exceeded the number of times it is acceptable to wear without washing. This, however, does not apply to my underwear, I’m not an animal!

I know, it’s still gross.

Still, I think I deserve a little slack since I have moved into a building that should probably not be legally allowed to house humans. This giant brick structure was probably once very beautiful and from the outside it still seems promising. The problems only seem to begin a day after move in. You know, just long enough to get you to sign that lease. Kinda like FUNNY FARM or THE MONEY PIT.

I don’t want to complain too much since the building is over 100 years old and holds a lot of character, which I asked for! I guess I’m just hoping to get all this frustration and disgust out in the form of a blog instead of the fetal position whilst crying.

So, back to me bringing the level of sophistication down for the entire human race or at least the people at Lowes. I was asked if I needed help when I was seen shuffling down the same aisles with nothing but a mask in hand. A mask that was probably purchased way too late. I have already done who knows how much damage to my internal organs with the amount of clorox I have used. I picked up the mask as a little treat to myself since what I was really in the market for was wood filler and also because I don’t know where they sell full hazmat suits.

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Wood filler? You may ask. Yes, because I am about to put my new place on lock down.

You see, I can deal with the fact that the place was dirty, and when I say dirty I mean FILTHY. I’m a very thorough cleaner so that is nothing but an inconvenience. The locals in my new town my say “that ain’t nothing but a chicken wing” which incidentally is exactly one of the things I found under my refrigerator. I’m okay with the fact that the people who lived there before me left food in the refrigerator, which was unrecognizable when I finally discovered it. I’m okay with the fact that my office chair with wheels has to be replaced since the floors all slant and I can no longer sit at a desk without rolling into the other room. I’m okay with the fact that the fire escape looks like it would kill you more gruesomely than an actual fire ever could. I’m even okay with the fact that it still has the original windows and therefore if someone drops a pin outside, I’m going to hear it. I’m even okay with the fact that the basement where the laundry is done, and in an act of sheer brilliance by the owners is also where the trash is stored, is a terrifying rape dungeon.

Now, you can tell me if I’m being too snooty about these but I’m not okay with three things about this place. Number one, the weird funk smell. Despite using almost an entire bottle of clorox and round the clock burning of a candles, I can’t seem to mask it. Number two, the shower that only seems to have water pressure for cold water. The hot water just dribbles out of this thing like I should have the audacity to want a semi warm shower that could have enough power to I don’t know, say, get me clean. How dare I. And last but absolutely not least, the bugs. I was horrified on my first night to find little bugs everywhere. Awesome. Spraying was done and I thought “this will get better”. WRONG. I now have small and medium cockroaches. I was told the spraying brings them out but it will help after a day or two. WRONG. So after a night out on the town I come home ready to snuggle into bed when I see the mothership of bugs. I have been warned that there are water bugs here but nothing prepares you for one doing a spastic six-legged dance over your bed.

I grabbed a shoe and a can of bug spray and double tapped that demon bug.

That leads us back to my shuffling around Lowes today. I am exhausted from a sleepless night of twitching and scratching and feeling like a mental patient. I will scrub until my fingers bleed. I will fill every crack in that place. I will harass my landlord. I will win this war. I WILL PREVAIL!!!!!

imagesYOU’RE DEAD.

And when I do, I will finally get to unpack and decorate. I will probably hang a few of these bad boys…

http://www.le-monkeyhouse.com