I recently watched the show Black Sails. WOWZA. Parents run, don’t walk to adjust your parental controls.

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Let me just say that show has nothing to do with sails. So far, it doesn’t even really have anything to do with sailing. Basically, so far it has just been a lot to do with boobs.

Anyway, I’m not here to talk about boobs. Sorry.

I’m here to start a game…

A game called…

PIRATE or PERSON !!! (and yes, I just made this up)

This game is really complex so pay attention…

I’m going to post pictures of actors as pirates.

Then, I’m going to post pictures of the actors not as pirates.

Lastly, I’m going to judge them on a very shallow level and say if I like them better as a pirate or a person!

Also, I will be numbering each one so if you feel the desire to play you can easily reference the perate or pirson.

yay. let’s begin.

1. Captain, my Captain, indeed.

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Since this is the first time anyone has probably ever played this game, I started with an easy one. Obviously, he looks way better as a pirate. I didn’t even intentionally make the second image smaller, the universe just wanted it that way. Moving on!

2. Speaking isn’t necessary.

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So, I will start by saying I think the internet is actually playing this game with me. Every time I pull pictures the winning one is always bigger. That makes this so much better, and also 100% creepier. Did Obama decide to play people or pirates while he was combing through all my other information ?!

Ok, so obviously she is better in real life. I don’t think this girl has a single line in the first two episodes (which is as far as I’ve watched). Maybe she is a terrible actress and they just brought her on for looks. (I gotta say they put her in the wrong roll if that is the case.) She is always hiding half of her face and sulking. This chick should be one of the prostitutes FO SHO.

3. Meanwhile…George Michael Pirate…

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This poor guy’s character has to be the worst. I mean, seriously they are pirates, not the 80’s. (and yes, I meant to write just the 80’s, as in, the entire 1980’s.)

Anyway, needless to say he is much much better in real life. Sidenote, I would’ve bet all the money I had that this guy played Nick Szalinski from THIS GEM.

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Side sidenote, I would’ve been wrong and still have the same amount of money. none.

Onward…

4. New Orlando Bloom makes this game harder…

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This is a toss up for me, I honestly can’t decide.

Orlando Bloom

yea this one goes way back for me.

5. Swearing like a sailor…. Pirate.

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So this girl isn’t technically a pirate but who cares she looks hotter in real life anyway.

Fun Fact: She drops the F bomb more than the Wolves of Wallstreet. Not very classy lady, but it is a tough pirate world you live in. Carry on.

6. The closest to boobs you’re getting in this blog…

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I have a total girl crush on this one. Which is convenient since she loves the ladies in the show. Don’t get me wrong, she loves a lot of guys in the show too. Really, this girl is just wrapped in a sheet the whole time so it was hard to find a photo of her from the show in actual clothes. Still I think she is better in real life.

7. That’s where the Target dog went…

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Okay okay, the Target dog was a low blow, and even though I do think this man’s facial structure resembles a bull terrier, I will play nice. He definitely looks better out of character. I think the problem with him is he is too many good things put together which doesn’t always leave you with a good thing. He is like ice cream, burritos, and french fries. Equally delicious but not together. Too tan, too chiseled, too much hair, too much.

8. Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

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I heard they got Lionel Richie’s hair stylist for the show.

Fun fact:  This guy always seems to wear huge necklaces in real life.

9. Good actors never break character.

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Then, there are those people who look like pirates all the time. Showered pirates.

10. It’s a pirate party…

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The cast of Black Sails may be hotter, or at least there are more of them. But Pirates of the Carribbean (the first one) is too close to my heart for me to throw to the side. Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, and Johnny Depp, can’t lose.

Unfun Fact: The first Pirates of the Caribbean is now 11 years old, and that means that I’m 11 years too old to have a hidden poster of Orlando Bloom in my closet which I did shortly after I saw Lord of the Rings.

 

So, at the end of it all, I am just as bad at playing games as I am at making them up. So we don’t have a winner but we have plenty o’ pirates.

http://www.le-monkeyhouse.com

 

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