So I stumbled upon this YouTube channel today. Channel, Station, Page…what is it called?! Oh, who cares.
These videos, while slightly offensive, really had me laughing. I love movies and would never bash most of these. (except Twilight, they deserved what they got) Still, you can’t deny that there is a little truth in these “trailers”. For me it even pointed out things I didn’t realize so in a way we can call this educational. You’re welcome.
Another gloomy day is upon us here in Northern Virginia. I’ve always felt like a bit of a creep because I like this dreary rainy mess. Most people hate this weather and some even get terrible seasonal depression so hopefully we can bring you a little lift today.
12 reasons why rainy weather is AWESOME…
2.Free car wash…
3. Rain = Life…
4. Free drinking water…
5. Snuggles are more abundant in cold, wet weather…
6. You can turn off that machine that simulates rain noises and fall asleep to the real thing…
7. Sets the stage for spontaneousness….
8. Sets the stage for kindness…
10. Everything is shiny…
11. Free mud, free facial…
12. A chance to finally use that nice umbrella…
If that didn’t help, try some color therapy and look at the bright posters at
In case you missed it the 71st annual Golden Globe Awards , here’s a breakdown, winners are in bold….
BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
“12 Years a Slave”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Chiwetel Ejiofor, “12 Years a Slave”
Idris Elba, “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom”
Tom Hanks, “Captain Phillips”
Matthew McConaughey, “Dallas Buyers Club”
Robert Redford, “All Is Lost”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Cate Blanchett, “Blue Jasmine”
Sandra Bullock, “Gravity”
Judi Dench, “Philomena”
Emma Thompson, “Saving Mr. Banks”
Kate Winslet, “Labor Day”
BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
“Inside Llewyn Davis”
“The Wolf Of Wall Street”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Christian Bale, “American Hustle”
Bruce Dern, “Nebraska”
Leonardo DiCaprio, “The Wolf of Wall Street”
Oscar Isaac, “Inside Llewyn Davis”
Joaquin Phoenix, “Her”
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
“The Big Bang Theory”
“Parks & Recreation”
BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE
Alfonso Cuaron, “Gravity”
Paul Greengrass, Captain Phillips”
Steve McQueen, “12 Years a Slave”
Alexander Payne, “Nebraska”
David O. Russell, “American Hustle”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Zooey Deschanel, “New Girl”
Lena Dunham, “Girls”
Edie Falco, “Nurse Jackie”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep”
Amy Poehler, “Parks & Recreation”
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
“Despicable Me 2″
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Matt Damon, “Behind the Candelabra”
Michael Douglas, “Behind the Candelabra”
Chiwetel Ejiofor, “Dancing on the Edge”
Idris Elba, “Luther”
Al Pacino, “Phil Spector”
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
“Blue is the Warmest Color”
“The Great Beauty”
“The Wind Rises”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Jason Bateman, “Arrested Development”
Don Cheadle, “House of Lies”
Michael J. Fox, “The Michael J. Fox Show”
Jim Parsons, “The Big Bang Theory”
Andy Samberg, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”
BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
Spike Jonze, “Her”
Bob Nelson, “Nebraska”
Jeff Pope, Steve Coogan, “Philomena”
John Ridley, “12 Years A Slave”
Eric Warren Singer, David O. Russell, “American Hustle”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Barkhad Abdi, “Captain Phillips”
Daniel Brühl, “Rush”
Bradley Cooper, “American Hustle”
Michael Fassbender, “12 Years a Slave”
Jared Leto, “Dallas Buyers Club”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Julianna Margulies, “The Good Wife”
Tatiana Maslany, “Orphan Black”
Taylor Schilling, “Orange Is The New Black”
Kerry Washington, “Scandal”
Robin Wright, “House Of Cards”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Amy Adams, “American Hustle”
Julie Delpy, “Before Midnight”
Greta Gerwig, “Frances Ha”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Enough Said”
Meryl Streep, “August: Osage County”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Josh Charles, “The Good Wife”
Rob Lowe, “Behind the Candelabra”
Aaron Paul, “Breaking Bad”
Corey Stoll, “House of Cards”
Jon Voight, “Ray Donovan”
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
“Atlas,” “Hunger Games: Catching Fire”
Music by: Chris Martin, Guy Berryman, Jonny Buckland, Will Champion
Lyrics by: Chris Martin, Guy Berryman, Jonny Buckland, Will Champion
“Let It Go,” “Frozen”
Music by: Kristen Anderson Lopez, Robert Lopez
Lyrics by: Kristen Anderson Lopez, Robert Lopez
“Ordinary Love,” “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom”
Music by: Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton, Larry Mullen, Jr., Brian Burton
Lyrics by: Bono
“Please Mr Kennedy,” “Inside Llewyn Davis”
Music by: Ed Rush, George Cromarty, T Bone Burnett, Justin Timberlake, Joel
Coen, Ethan Coen
Lyrics by: Ed Rush, George Cromarty, T Bone Burnett, Justin Timberlake, Joel
Coen, Ethan Coen
“Sweeter Than Fiction,” “One Chance”
Music by: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff
Lyrics by: Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE
Alex Ebert, “All Is Lost”
Alex Heffes, “Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom”
Steven Price, “Gravity”
John Williams, “The Book Thief”
Hans Zimmer, “12 Years A Slave”
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
“The Good Wife”
“House Of Cards”
“Masters Of Sex”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Bryan Cranston, “Breaking Bad”
Liev Schreiber, “Ray Donovan”
Michael Sheen, “Masters of Sex”
Kevin Spacey, “House of Cards”
James Spader, “The Blacklist”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Helena Bonham Carter, “Burton and Taylor”
Rebecca Ferguson, “White Queen”
Jessica Lange, “American Horror Story: Coven”
Helen Mirren, “Phil Spector”
Elisabeth Moss, “Top of the Lake”
BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
“American Horror Story: Coven”
“Behind The Candelabra”
“Dancing on the Edge”
“Top of the Lake”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Jacqueline Bisset, “Dancing on the Edge”
Janet McTeer, “White Queen”
Hayden Panettiere , “Nashville”
Monica Potter, “Parenthood”
Sofia Vergara, “Modern Family”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Sally Hawkins, “Blue Jasmine”
Jennifer Lawrence “American Hustle”
Lupita Nyong’o, “12 Years a Slave”
Julia Roberts, “August: Osage County”
June Squibb, “Nebraska”
As you get older it slowly starts to become apparent that your family is crazy. The things they do and say seem so normal until you realize they aren’t. For example I just assumed using lines from movies in everyday conversation was something everyone did. It’s not.
My brothers will do their best Christopher Walken impressions while my sister and I will repeat lines from Elf or While You Were Sleeping. I’m fairly confident my family could have whole conversations and speak in nothing but movie quotes. The holidays are the perfect time for this behavior. The whole family is together and Christmas movies are some of the most quotable ones. Lines from films that are engrained in our minds from being watched year after year.
Here are some very quotable lines from some of my traditional Christmas movies…
Home Alone (1990)
“I’m gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead!” ———————————————————————————————————————————————
“Keep the change, ya filthy animal.”Harry: Where did he go? ———————————————————————————————————————————————
Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.
Kevin McCallister: I’m over here you big horse’s ass, come and get me before I call the police.
Check-Out Woman: Where’s your mom?
Kevin McCallister: In the car.
Check-Out Woman: Where’s your father?
Kevin McCallister: He’s at work.
Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and sisters?
Kevin McCallister: I’m an only child.
Check-Out Woman: Where do you live?
Kevin McCallister: I can’t tell you that.
Check-Out Woman: Why not?
Kevin McCallister: Because you’re a stranger.
Kevin McCallister: Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!
Uncle Frank McCallister: Get outta here you nosy little pervert, or I’m gonna slap you silly!
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, last night too, wasn’t ya?
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Yes… sir, I was
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, and you was smoochin’ wit my brother!
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: [after a pause] I’m terribly sorry, sir, I’m afraid you’re mistaken.
Gangster Johnny on TV: Don’t gimme that! You’ve been smoochin’ wit everybody! Snuffy. Al. Leo. Little Moe, with the gimpy leg. Cheeks. Boney Bob. Cliff.
Officer Cliff: [gasps] No!
[others stare at him in disguest]
Officer Cliff: It’s a lie!
Gangster Johnny on TV: I could go on forever, baby!
Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: [phone rings, Buddy picks it up] Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: What’s a Christmas Gram? I want one!
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: I’m a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
While You Were Sleeping (1995)
Elsie: I don’t drink anymore… I don’t drink any less, either!
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Elsie: I like Mass better in Latin. It’s nicer when you don’t know what they’re saying.
Jack: You suck!
Peter: I suck, or the outfit sucks?
Jack: It’s a toss-up.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Elsie: Look at the bright side. He has more room in his jockey shorts.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Lucy: If you fit into my pants I will kill myself.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Midge Callaghan: These potatoes are so creamy. Mary mashed them.
A Christmas Story (1983)
Ralphie: I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
Mrs. Parker: No, you’ll shoot your eye out.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.
Mr. Parker: He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.
Mother: He does not!
Mr. Parker: He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.
Christmas Vacation (1989)
Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ellen: I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.
Aunt Bethany: What’s that sound? You hear it? It’s a funny squeaky sound.
Uncle Lewis: You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
Ellen: Clark, I think it’d be best if everyone went home… before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.
Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Eddie: Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.
There are not enough hours in the day to do all the movies and lines I want so feel free to leave your own favorite movie lines in the comment section!
We love you,
Le Monkey House
I like to think I have decent taste. Obviously, most people probably think that about themselves or we wouldn’t have all the tasteless things in the world. I guess what I mean is I don’t watch terrible reality TV or buy frivolous things (I’ve been in a Spencers like once, out of curiosity.) My cell phone doesn’t have a tripped out case and I sometimes get self-conscience about wearing lipstick that is too flashy. I keep things classy and as I said, in good taste.
When it gets to be this time of year, however, I go a little cray cray.
I get it in my head that, yes, I must buy that t-shirt of a tiger dressed in a suit holding a cat, because “what a laugh that will get on Christmas”. Yea, my sister does need that lotion dispenser with the long handle so you can reach the middle of your own back. Obviously, Mom couldn’t live another day without the pillow for your feet that vibrates. I will admit to actually buying each and every single one of those gifts.
Unfortunately, my bad taste and decisions don’t end there. At Christmas time there is more crap on the TV lineup than usual. I mean ABC Family does 25 days of Christmas, which basically means I will be watching absolute garbage for 25 straight days and somehow feel justified. Here are some of the gems that I have indulged in thus far… (and remember we still have 8 days to go)
Yes, the token ice rink scene.
– The Mistle-Tones –
Featuring the always earth shattering acting of Tori Spelling.
– Christmas Cupid-
With a stellar cast featuring Christina Milian and Chad Michael Murray… yes!
– Holiday in Handcuffs –
Again, all I needed to know was who (Melissa Joan Hart & Mario Lopez) was in this and I was already hitting play.
– 12 Dates of Christmas –
Okay. I actually liked this one. Was the story line tired? Yes. Was the acting bad? By almost everyone. But, I will support anything with the adorable Amy Adams and the man that will forever be the hottest guy in school, Zack Morris I mean… Mark-Paul Harry Gosselaar.
like a fine wine… (you are welcome ladies)
Sorry I got a little sidetracked there. I can no longer concentrate. So here is just the titles of a few more Christmas delights to get into this year.
– A Holiday for Love (yikes.)
– Desperately Seeking Santa ( Aren’t we all?)
– Snowglobe ( Wouldn’t you know it, that Christina Milian weaseled her way into another one.)
– Teen Spirit ( Not Smells Like…)
– Santa Baby – 1&2 ( If you can stand watching loud mouth Jenny McCarthy for two movies.)
– Snow – with these two…
– Christmas Caper – (I haven’t actually seen this one, but the title looks promising.)
– Beauty & the Briefcase (with big toothed Hilary Duff)
-Special Delivery (with Andy Dick, so you know it’s good)
SAVE THE EMPIRE.
We all have a “man” in our lives that is bringing us down. (for many that statement is literal, stupid boys)
Many would say the government is taking that big ole cake right now. I won’t argue that, (bunch of babies) but I digress…
Who or what is the “man” in your life right now?
There are all the obvious ones;
– your boss – I can’t help but imagine Bill Lumbergh here…
– your bills – oh, you mean that’s due EVERY month?
– your neighbor – there is a reason I avoid you.
– your car – yes, I did want you to break down today, thank you.
– your pants – too loose, too tight, pants are always holding me down, shackles in the form of denim.
DAMN THEM ALL!! SAVE YOURSELF!!
Whatever your “man” is, don’t let him hold you down. Take some pointers from Empire Records. Just do what you want and throw a huge party and raise enough money to save the day.
It’s no secret that Friday the 13th holds special meaning to any and all horror movie buffs. It’s like an exciting mini-Halloween, which is another special day for those of us that not only love scary movies, but haunted houses, trails, hayrides and really anything of the haunted nature and the acceptableness* to scare unsuspecting friends and small children. This Friday the 13th just happens to be a very convenient prelude to Halloween itself, which is only a mere 48 days away. I’m so excited I could pee.
But, (now I’m gonna’ drop a little history on you…)
The origins of the date (and by origins, I mean the first known mention of it in writing according to my quasi-research on the interwebs) go back about 200 years when it was decided to be an unlucky day.
Why, you ask?
Well, in Italian culture, Friday has always been thought of as an unlucky day. It’s also specifically noted in The Canterbury Tales** as being an unlucky day to take trips to Niagara Falls or balance your checkbook (people still do this, yes?).
And, we all know, no matter what culture you’ve derived from, the number 13 is just evil, evil, evil. All you triskaidekaphobians out there know what I’m talkin’ about…
That being said, Friday the 13th??? Holy Schnikes***, people! Stay inside. Don’t go anywhere today and most certainly not tonight. It’s just too dangerous.
But we all know that luck and unluck only effect the superstitious, right?
Well, I’m here to say that I’ve walked underneath ladders way too many times to count and not only am I still standing, but my luck is just as crappy as it was before. I hope that makes you feel better, it sure works for me.
Happy Friday the 13th, folks! Bring on the black cats, broken mirrors and a baker’s dozen of anything delicious.
Crude excuses for footnotes:
*Real word? Absolutely. **Written in the 14th Century aka a really freakin’ long time ago… ***If you don’t know what movie this is from, please stop reading, find out what movie it is, watch it, and come back after you’ve done so.
Here is a poster that is mildly related to this:
Man, we really missed the boat on shark week. (pun intended.)
After many years of self reflection I have come to the conclusion that Jaws is to blame for my fear of the ocean. Fear is an understatement, TERROR of the ocean.
I am not bashing the movie by any means, I think the movie is a great white of a film. (ha! I did it again)
People seem to just enjoy movies and move on with their lives, not me. I may be a little sensitive to things, but movies really get to me.
I didn’t speak for a week after seeing Titanic.
I jump from my bed instead of just putting my feet down by the edge and I NEVER look under my bed! I can thank Poltergeist for that one.
I won’t go into water I can’t see the bottom of, and while I want to see the world I will leave places like the Amazon off my bucket list. Thanks Anaconda
I will never live out my dream of meeting a handsome, charming foreigner at the airport and having him sweep me off my feet and showing me some exotic city… TAKEN. No.
The desert and back woods are both things I avoid at all costs. The Hills Have Eyes and Wrong Turn.
While I’m fairly confident I would be the first person to die if there was ever a natural disaster, zombie apocalypse, pandemic, fire, plane crash or anything to do with being stranded (or in the ocean), these movies aren’t helping matters;
– The Impossible, Twister, Dante’s Peak, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow…
– 28 Days Later, World War Z, I Am Legend….
– Contagion, Breakout, Children of Men…
– Backdraft, Ladder 49…
– Alive, The Grey, The Perfect Storm, White Squall, Life of Pi…
There are really too many to name. I don’t know why I keep subjecting myself to things that will only make more paranoid. Honestly, I’m only one scary movie away from needing a padded room as it is.
I hope you are reading this and saying “wow, this person is such a wuss”.
But if you are reading this thinking “I FEEL THE SAME WAY!” Well, let’s start a group then.
This blog has drifted to a completely different topic. What was I talking about again? Oh yea…
SHARK WEEK!! Sharks are real, and scary. I want nothing to do with them. They are majestic and fascinating but they will bite your limbs off, no thanks sharks.
So my advice is to stay out of the ocean, and…
cars, planes, buses, boats, beaches, tall buildings, subways, wooded areas, deserts, rivers… oh screw it we are all doomed.