As you get older it slowly starts to become apparent that your family is crazy. The things they do and say seem so normal until you realize they aren’t. For example I just assumed using lines from movies in everyday conversation was something everyone did. It’s not.
My brothers will do their best Christopher Walken impressions while my sister and I will repeat lines from Elf or While You Were Sleeping. I’m fairly confident my family could have whole conversations and speak in nothing but movie quotes. The holidays are the perfect time for this behavior. The whole family is together and Christmas movies are some of the most quotable ones. Lines from films that are engrained in our minds from being watched year after year.
Here are some very quotable lines from some of my traditional Christmas movies…
Home Alone (1990)
“I’m gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead!” ———————————————————————————————————————————————
“Keep the change, ya filthy animal.”Harry: Where did he go? ———————————————————————————————————————————————
Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.
Kevin McCallister: I’m over here you big horse’s ass, come and get me before I call the police.
Check-Out Woman: Where’s your mom?
Kevin McCallister: In the car.
Check-Out Woman: Where’s your father?
Kevin McCallister: He’s at work.
Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and sisters?
Kevin McCallister: I’m an only child.
Check-Out Woman: Where do you live?
Kevin McCallister: I can’t tell you that.
Check-Out Woman: Why not?
Kevin McCallister: Because you’re a stranger.
Kevin McCallister: Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!
Uncle Frank McCallister: Get outta here you nosy little pervert, or I’m gonna slap you silly!
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, last night too, wasn’t ya?
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Yes… sir, I was
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, and you was smoochin’ wit my brother!
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: [after a pause] I’m terribly sorry, sir, I’m afraid you’re mistaken.
Gangster Johnny on TV: Don’t gimme that! You’ve been smoochin’ wit everybody! Snuffy. Al. Leo. Little Moe, with the gimpy leg. Cheeks. Boney Bob. Cliff.
Officer Cliff: [gasps] No!
[others stare at him in disguest]
Officer Cliff: It’s a lie!
Gangster Johnny on TV: I could go on forever, baby!
Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: [phone rings, Buddy picks it up] Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: What’s a Christmas Gram? I want one!
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: I’m a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
Elsie: I don’t drink anymore… I don’t drink any less, either!
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Elsie: I like Mass better in Latin. It’s nicer when you don’t know what they’re saying.
Jack: You suck!
Peter: I suck, or the outfit sucks?
Jack: It’s a toss-up.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Elsie: Look at the bright side. He has more room in his jockey shorts.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Lucy: If you fit into my pants I will kill myself.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Midge Callaghan: These potatoes are so creamy. Mary mashed them.
Ralphie: I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
Mrs. Parker: No, you’ll shoot your eye out.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.
Mr. Parker: He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.
Mother: He does not!
Mr. Parker: He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.
Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ellen: I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.
Aunt Bethany: What’s that sound? You hear it? It’s a funny squeaky sound.
Uncle Lewis: You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
Ellen: Clark, I think it’d be best if everyone went home… before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.
Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
——————————————————————————————————————————————— Eddie: Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.
There are not enough hours in the day to do all the movies and lines I want so feel free to leave your own favorite movie lines in the comment section!
We love you,
Le Monkey House