Let’s keep it interesting.

LeMonkey House

You may or may not have noticed that this blog tends to be a bit all over the place. It is a true reflection of my mental state, which is also a bit all over the place. It’s just that there are so many interesting things in the world I can’t seem to stay focused!

Here is a sample of the interesting things in the world….

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This is going to be a good week.

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People watching is one of my all time favorite things. I think this is a common trait for weirdo, socially awkward introverts such as myself. Writers have attempted from the beginning of time to describe their fellow man. Cavemen used to draw pictures on walls trying to capture the essence of men and women in their natural state. Which, back in those days was probably just a lot of hunting, gathering and celebrating fire making.

Still, after all these years people are still most fascinated by people. Actually, people are most fascinated by themselves, but then other people. Okay, maybe themselves and then food, but then definitely other people. Okay, okay, themselves, food, iPhones, then other people.

Maybe I love people watching because it’s always a unique experience. Maybe it’s because it’s free, or takes the focus off of me which leaves me free to judge other people’s life choices for awhile. It’s definitely not because it’s easier than making real friends…Mom! Whatever the reason, I love it.

There are so many good people watching spots but you have to mix it up or you become that weirdo that is always lingering. The airport is amazing to people watch but for fear of being a suspected terrorist I only take advantage of that spot when I’m actually traveling. The mall is a good one but then there are those pesky kiosk people always trying to curl just one strand of your hair, or put weird lotions on you. I have an idea, how about you don’t touch me stranger, k, thanks. The beach is good but that is for vacation, so I use that time to relax and take a break from the difficult task of people watching. Honestly though you can people watch anywhere.

Where are you right now? The coffee shop? The office? If you are anywhere there are people, stop reading this and just watch them. Give it a few minutes and if nothing happens then you can go back to “working” but if something funny happens let us know.

Now is the perfect time. The weather is starting to get nice again and that means you can go to parks and take advantage of free outside people watching pleasure. I am taking advantage of this beautiful day and sitting by the river and let me tell you it is prime material out today. I have seen the following:

  • A very large man (not fat, just tall and all round huge man) walking a huge great dane which of course had to poo right next to me.
  • The young couple that has been sitting on the banks of the river for a very long time now and obviously haven’t been together too long or the hormones are just raging because they are snuggling so hard it looks like they are feeding on each other.
  • The countless joggers – none of them look to be in very good shape, but it is technically still winter so I will cut them some slack.
  • The group of businessmen who just had to stand right next to me and discuss things a little lady like myself couldn’t possibly understand.
  • The woman who let her toddler (whose tiny legs are apparently faster than her normal human size legs) run into the road, lesson learned (disclaimer – I know this happens and parents try their hardest and since I have no children I will not pass judgement on that one)
  • The policeman who is currently scooping up his horses poo with… I sh** you not (pun intended)… a dustpan. There is a lot of poop involved in my people watching experiences apparently.
  • The family that is obviously on vacation (they could be the real life Griswolds) with a teenage daughter and almost teenage son who aren’t the slightest bit interested in facts about the naval ships. Yet, the daughter (let’s just call her Audrey) seems to be finding tons of stuff to Instagram anyway.
  • The young men, and not so young men, that seem to think it is totally acceptable to gargle their snot and spit anywhere they want… guess what? You’re gross and everyone hates you.
  • The older gentlemen, who reminds me of Sean Connery, that has been sitting on the bench across the courtyard from me, doing his share of people watching. In between the naps he has been taking of course.
  • And lastly, rounding off the day, Chris, the homeless man, who sat right next to me on the bench, despite the many other perfectly good benches available. He waited a very long time before telling me how impressive I was for being able to type so quickly. He also stated rather loudly as a large group of people passed that he has 6 girls, and then after what seemed to be a eternity, clarified those girls are his daughters. I’m fairly confident half of this town thinks I work for Chris now, servicing the men here. Thanks Chris.

So that was my day of people watching. I would keep going but the birds are starting to act weird over my head and I fear more poop will be in store if I stay here. Also, the empty can of Vienna Sausages left behind by Chris is starting to smell.Image www.le-monkeyhouse.com

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I’ma take your grandpa’s style…

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So I went to the thrift store today.

I don’t want you thinking I’m a snob or that I look down on second hand goods. I’m a big supporter of reusing and repurposing things. I’m also a big supporter of quality products and not a big supporter of mass produced garbage.

That being said, shopping at the thrift store is always an interesting experience. I wish I could speak about it as eloquently as Macklemore but I am struggling to find the words. It is sad that his lyrics “smells like R. Kelly’s sheets…pissss” (even though they are highlighting something awful) are true. Going to thrift stores means  you will have to encounter at least one strange smell. I think the idea of the stores are great and I will continue to go but no one likes having to sift through tons of CRAP to get the decent stuff. Broke people deserve decently run stores too!! While I have found many of my favorite things at the local thrift shop those places always have at least a few “what the hell?!” items. So, I’m going to post a few of my WTH?! finds with you today!

Enjoy…

I’m may not make the deadline for entering my cat photo…

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This thing, I’m thinking its a chihuahua and in case you can’t read it that says $35!!!!!!

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If this is the final product I will get when I learn to sew from this I don’t want to know how.

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This rack, which they took the time to make a special sign labeled  “Holiday Fashions”, only had one weird bag with a duck on it, and maybe like two shirts (neither of which were holiday themed). I get that at one point this rack may have sported the best christmas sweaters a girl could ask for but don’t you think it’s time to take it down?

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At least they took the time to “dress” the mannequins in the latest fashions…

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And the grand finale, in case this place hadn’t scared you enough already…

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In summation, thrift stores need to step up their game. They get high traffic all the time, maybe they could try to make the stores a little more shopper friendly and a little less, well, terrifying. I have a dream that some day I can leave the thrift shop without feeling like I must immediately take a scalding hot shower.

In the meantime if you are looking to do some shopping that doesn’t require protective eye wear and a gallon of hand sanitizer, look no further…

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And I Quote

Christmas, Comedy, Design Studio, graphic design, LeMonkey House, Posters

As you get older it slowly starts to become apparent that your family is crazy. The things they do and say seem so normal until you realize they aren’t. For example I just assumed using lines from movies in everyday conversation was something everyone did. It’s not.

My brothers will do their best Christopher Walken impressions while my sister and I will repeat lines from Elf or While You Were Sleeping.  I’m fairly confident my family could have whole conversations and speak in nothing but movie quotes. The holidays are the perfect time for this behavior. The whole family is together and Christmas movies are some of the most quotable ones. Lines from films that are engrained in our minds from being watched year after year.

Here are some very quotable lines from some of my traditional Christmas movies…

Home Alone (1990)

“I’m gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead!” ———————————————————————————————————————————————

“Keep the change, ya filthy animal.”Harry: Where did he go? ———————————————————————————————————————————————

Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.

Kevin McCallister: I’m over here you big horse’s ass, come and get me before I call the police.

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Check-Out Woman: Where’s your mom?

Kevin McCallister: In the car.

Check-Out Woman: Where’s your father?

Kevin McCallister: He’s at work.

Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and sisters?

Kevin McCallister: I’m an only child.

Check-Out Woman: Where do you live?

Kevin McCallister: I can’t tell you that.

Check-Out Woman: Why not?

Kevin McCallister: Because you’re a stranger.

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Kevin McCallister: Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!

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Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Uncle Frank McCallister: Get outta here you nosy little pervert, or I’m gonna slap you silly!

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Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, last night too, wasn’t ya?

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Yes… sir, I was

Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, and you was smoochin’ wit my brother!

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: [after a pause] I’m terribly sorry, sir, I’m afraid you’re mistaken.

Gangster Johnny on TV: Don’t gimme that! You’ve been smoochin’ wit everybody! Snuffy. Al. Leo. Little Moe, with the gimpy leg. Cheeks. Boney Bob. Cliff.

Officer Cliff: [gasps] No!

[others stare at him in disguest]

Officer Cliff: It’s a lie!

Gangster Johnny on TV: I could go on forever, baby!

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Elf (2003)

Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: [phone rings, Buddy picks it up] Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: What’s a Christmas Gram? I want one!

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Buddy: I’m a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.

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While You Were Sleeping (1995)

Elsie: I don’t drink anymore… I don’t drink any less, either!

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Elsie: I like Mass better in Latin. It’s nicer when you don’t know what they’re saying.

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Jack: You suck!

Peter: I suck, or the outfit sucks?

Jack: It’s a toss-up.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Elsie: Look at the bright side. He has more room in his jockey shorts.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Lucy: If you fit into my pants I will kill myself.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Midge Callaghan: These potatoes are so creamy. Mary mashed them.

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A Christmas Story (1983)

Ralphie: I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!

Mrs. Parker: No, you’ll shoot your eye out.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.

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Mr. Parker: He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.

Mother: He does not!

Mr. Parker: He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!

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Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.

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Christmas Vacation (1989)

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?

Clark: Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Ellen: I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.

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Aunt Bethany: What’s that sound? You hear it? It’s a funny squeaky sound.

Uncle Lewis: You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

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Ellen: Clark, I think it’d be best if everyone went home… before things get worse.

Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.

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Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?

Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

——————————————————————————————————————————————— Eddie: Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.

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There are not enough hours in the day to do all the movies and lines I want so feel free to leave your own favorite movie lines in the comment section!

We love you,

Le Monkey House

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…when you are a stranger?

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They say people are strange, when you are a stranger. Well at least Jim Morrison says that.

Well Jim, I have news for you….

People are strange ALL THE TIME. I am not saying this is always a bad thing. It certainly keeps things interesting.

Some people get a little carried away with trying to push the weirdness factor. “Look at me, I’m different and don’t care what you think”…. please. stop.

I had no shortage of images that would prove my point. Most were not very tasteful and I had a hard time even getting through them so I will not subject others to that.

Here is your daily dose of weird…

I applaud her commitment and decision making skills and a bit jealous she never has to buy or apply makeup…ever…

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It is refreshing to finally see an awkward photo featuring a dog and not a cat…

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This guy actually looks super sweet and cuddley…

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Understandable, who hasn’t been so in love that they wear matching denim and make out for their annual glamour shot?…

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That is a lot of effort for something so pointless…

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Just doing a little sightseeing… thanks for sharing the view with us…

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